Jewish Sexuality dot Com

Ever since I married, my problems with masturbation ended. We live a frum lifestyle and my wife goes to the mikvah and observes the laws of modesty.  The problem I am writing to you about today is keri.  My wife has been sick with the flu along with my daughter for the past week.  In the middle of the night I woke up for a snack – a dairy snack.  However, I am very well aware of the writings when they say to avoid certain foods and the position to sleep, etc.  My specific scenario is that I get keri after having pornographic dreams.   I have not watched porn in many many years.  Yet I blush at the disgusting images I can dream of.  After these dreams I get keri.  What freaks me out for lack of a better expression is that since I am familiar with the writing of the Kabbalists, I feel more guilty because of the keri.  I told my rabbi a short version of this last year and he said I am not pure, YET.  I can’t erase the past.  I have done tshuva for the masturbating in my youth.  It is the unintentional keri that bothers me.   What can you advise because I am very disillusioned.

Answer:
Your rabbi’s answer makes a lot of sense. The negative effects of watching pornography, and the deep and ugly polluted impressions it stamps on our minds and our souls, can take decades to erase, if at all. The more Torah you can learn and the more tikunim prayers you can say from the depths of your heart will eventually replace the ugliness of the past and replace impurity with holiness.

In addition, sometimes a man can be caused to have a keri from Heaven as an atonement for some other sin he committed. His remorse over the keri is like a "little death" that atones for the other sin.

Or a keri can be brought about to inspire a person to even more tshuva in order to bring him to a higher level. This comes to lessen a person's pride, lest he think that he is a big tzaddik already. The keri comes as a sign that he still needs to work more on purifying his soul. Since your “accidents” are triggered by unholy dreams, that is surely a sign that more inner cleansing needs to be done.

A keri can also occur when the Prosecutor in the Heavenly Court has a case against the person for some wrongdoing which he committed. The keri is like a payoff to the Sitra Achra (evil forces of the Other Side) to leave the person alone.
 
All of these instances are for the person's benefit.

However, you have to be honest with yourself and examine whether your polluted dreams resulted from improper thoughts during the day. Also, keri can occur due to speaking lashon hara or falsehood, or anger, or arrogance.

But if, after a sincere heshbone nefesh and self-examination, you feel that you didn’t do anything to bring upon the keri, then don't let these occasional lapses get you down. It's all for the good. Do t’shuva, go to the mikvah, recite the Tkun HaClalli with heartfelt confession, increase whatever aspect of your Divine Service that could use a little more strengthening, whether it be giving charity, doing more good deeds, being more humble, adding to your Torah study, etc.

Remember, no one is perfect in this sphere. "There is no man on earth that does good (in matters of the Brit) and does not sin." That's the way Hashem created us. Don’t expect yourself to be a perfect Tzaddik.
Relax. Be happy. It's all a part of the never ending journey of getting closer to G-d.