Question:

Answer:

Every husband has to be understanding and sensitive, knowing when he can motivate his family toward a greater reverence for holy matters, and when he is fighting a losing battle. If your wife is willing to listen, here is a concise overview of the subject which may help her toward a broader understanding of the consequences of not covering her hair in the house, but given the differences of halachic opinions, you should not try to force her against her will.

The Talmud relates that a woman named Kimchit merited to have seven righteous sons, all of whom served as High Priests in the Temple. When the Sages asked her what was her secret, she answered that the walls of her house never saw her hair uncovered. From this we can learn that it is a practice of hasidut (saintly behavior) for a woman to cover her hair in the house, even when she is alone.

The Zohar is especially emphatic about the importance of a wife covering her hair in the house, stating: “A husband is in loss of his senses if he allows his wife to go about with her hair uncovered, and this is one of the ways of modesty in the home. A woman who lets her hair show out from her head covering in order to appear attractive brings poverty to her house, and she causes her children not to be noteworthy in their generation, and causes that a spirit of impurity will reside in the house. What brought all this about? The hair that went uncovered. If this is the case in her home, how much greater the damage if she goes this way outside in the marketplace!

“Come and see what terrible damage uncovering the hair causes: it brings about damage in Heaven; damage in this world; it brings about poverty and a spirit of impurity in the home; it causes the Shechinah to part from her children, may Hashem have mercy.

“Therefore, a married woman must cover her hair, even when she is within the walls of her house, and if she does this, the verse will apply to her, ‘Her sons will be like olive shoots in the interior of her house’ (Tehillim, 128:3-4). Just as the olive tree is distinguished in superiority from other trees, and its leaves don’t fall off through winter and summer, so this woman’s children will stand out in importance in the world. In addition, her husband will be blessed in all matters, above and below, with prosperity, with children and grandchildren, as it says, ‘Thus will the man who fears Hashem be blessed,’ and, ‘May Hashem bless you from Zion, and may you see the goodness of Jerusalem all the days of your life, and see your children’s children; peace be unto Israel’” (Tehillim, cited. Zohar, Naso 125B).

Regarding the halachah, there is a difference of opinion whether a woman must cover her hair only when she is outside the house (Tosefot, Ketubot 72B,) or that she must cover her hair even when she is in the house, as implied by the Rambam. The Chatam Sofer states that since Jewish women had the custom of strictly covering their heads, even when in their rooms, this should be considered the law, and a woman must cover her hair even inside their homes. This is also the opinion of the Mishna Berurah. However, other Torah authorities disagree and make a lighter ruling, stating that according to the halachah, it is permissible for a woman to go without covering her head in her home, with the condition that only the members of her household see her, and not people from outside (See “Egeret Moshe,” EvenHaEzer, 1:58).

Regarding bedtime, it seems that all opinions permit a woman to sleep without a head covering.

So, while halachah allows a woman to be without a hair covering in the privacy of her home, other authorities disagree, and the Zohar stipulates that nothing good will come of it. But, if you cannot convince your wife with this explanation, certainly you should not jeopardize “shalom bayit” by harping on the issue against her will.