Jewish Sexuality dot Com

Question:
The boy I'm dating for half a year told me yesterday of the filtering system he set up on his computer to prevent him seeing things he shouldn't. I asked him straight out if he goes into sites that are inappropriate and he said he tries not to. I got off the phone and wanted to cry.

 On the one hand, I admire his honesty and bravery for telling me- I feel that there are many more guys out there who won't even  admit  they have a problem. At least he's dealing with it. On the other hand, it left me reeling because I don't know what to do with this information, what my role is?I do not want to have to compete with the things he views. He tells me that he struggles when he sees attractive girls. We've spoken about commitment, how there will always be that doubt of "maybe there's something/someone better out there" but at the end of the day, a serious relationship which is for marriage purposes is about ignoring those voices, working over those passions, focusing on what we have together. I don't know what to do. Am I to set down rules- meaning- if we get married we're only having a computer if we have a filter and I keep the password? I believe that a guy with these kind of strong urges can use them for good just as easily as he can use them for bad and I want to believe that we can work through this together. On the other hand, is this an issue that I set an ultimatum for- meaning I'm not going to marry him unless he stops looking at other women altogether? I don't know what to do. 

Answer: 
Every man has a yetzer in this area. It is something we all have to constantly work on. It doesn't disappear with marriage. Even when a man is very in love with his wife, an attractive woman will catch his eye. That's the way Hashem created the world. Your boyfriend seems to be honest and to understand the importance of this issue, already having taken steps to deal with the dangers. We don't see a need for ultimatums. While it is good practice that the wife holds the code for the filter, now isn’t the time to make a war out of it. Concentrate on building the other foundations of your relationship, and, Bezrat Hashem, with G-d’s help, this will fall into place as well. If there is a real feeling of friendship and respect for one another, and a commitment to Torah, these will set the path for a holy and loving future.