After we spoke in the previous chapters about the holiness of the parts of the head, now we come to elaborate on the holiness of the brit and marital relations (zivug). We shall explain this in two aspects: the holiness of the zivug and the time of the zivug. We shall not cite all the words of our Sages, as the scholar Rabbi Yitzchak Abuhav in his “Menorat HaMaor” has already done so, and we will rely on the reader that he will see his words, since they are required in order to know this matter in its details. We shall only bring the words of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai (Rashbi) which are scattered in many places (throughout the holy Zohar).

Sanctify Yourselves and Be Holy!

Our holy Torah commanded us (Vayikra 11:44) “Sanctify yourselves and be holy!” and our Sages explained that this holiness is referring to the holiness of tashmish (the marital union). This is what they said in Shevuot (18b): "Rabbi Binyamin ben Pat says: All those who sanctify themselves during the act of tashmish merit to have male offspring, as it says 'Sanctify yourselves and be holy!' and this verse is followed by 'a woman will conceive and have a male child.'"

The words of Rashbi also agree to this as we shall quote later in the section dealing with the time of the zivug. Also the Zohar explains (Kedoshim 81a) that, referring to this is the verse, 'You shall be holy,' and these are the words of the holy Zohar: "Come and see that when a man couples with his wife and intends to be holy, then he is complete and they are called one with no deficiency. Therefore a husband must make his wife happy at that time and prepare (do all that is necessary) that she should be as one will with him (meaning, to request that it should be with her full consent and will), and they should both have the intention to be as one, and then when they are together, they are one in body and in soul - in soul, that they cleave together with one will; in body, as we have learned, that one who is unmarried is like half a body, and when male and female unite they are one complete body. Thus when united they are one soul and one body and man is then called 'one,' and then G-d dwells in this 'one' (unified entity), and this continues a holy spirit into the baby born from this union, and these sons are called the children of Hashem. Therefore the verse says 'You shall be holy because I am holy.' Praiseworthy are Israel since no other is called holy except Hashem, as it says, 'For I am holy' [and He wanted us to be like Him and be called holy, and gave this gift to no other except to Israel] in order that they should cleave to Him and with no other. Thus 'You shall be holy for I, your G-d, am holy.'"

From these words we see that the commandment of 'You shall be holy' refers to the holiness of the zivug. That which he explains about the holiness of the zivug we will elaborate later.

According to One's Sanctification so He Continues a Holy Soul to His Son

You should know that according to one's sanctification at the time of the zivug, so he continues a holy neshamah to his son. So explains the Zohar (Shmot 11a): "'And there went a man of the house of Levi.' This refers to Gabriel, who is called 'the Man' (Daniel, 9:21). 'Of the house of Levi' is the Community of Israel, which comes from the 'Left Side' (Judgment). 'And took the daughter of Levi,' namely the soul (neshamah); for we have been taught that when the body of a righteous one is born into the world, the Holy One summons Gabriel, who takes from Heaven the soul ordained for that tzaddik (righteous one) and lowers it into the body of the righteous one who is to be born in this world; and he, Gabriel, is thus appointed as guardian to that soul…."  (Another explanation), "'a man' here is Amram, and 'the daughter of Levi' is Jocheved. A heavenly voice bade him to unite himself with her, for through the son who should be born of them, the time of the redemption of Israel would be brought near. And the Holy One came to his aid, for, as we have been taught, the Shechinah (Divine Presence) reposed upon the nuptial bed and the will of the two in their union was one with the will of the Shechinah.

Therefore the Shechinah never ceased to abide with the son that was born from that union, to fulfill that which is written: 'Sanctify yourselves and be holy' (Vayikra. 9: 44), which signifies that when a person so sanctifies himself here below, the Holy One adds His sanctification from Above. As the two strove to unite themselves also with the Shechinah, she on her side united herself with them in their union (for there are three partners in man's creation). Said Rabbi Yitzhak: Blessed are those righteous ones whose whole desire is to be constantly united with the Holy One! Inasmuch as they cleave unto Him at all times, will He also cleave unto them forever and never leave them. Woe unto the wicked, whose desire and attachment is turned away from Him! Not only do they stay afar from Him, but they even unite themselves to that ‘other side’. Thus Amram, who was faithful to the Holy One, became the father of Moses, whom the Holy One never deserted, and with whom the Shechinah was forever united, blessed be he!”

The Sons that are Born in Holiness are Called Sons to G-d

See the Zohar (Bereshit:130b) that states: "Every person in the world is made up of above and beneath, upper and lower (neshamah and body), and all those who know how to sanctify themselves in this world, when they give birth to a son they continue upon him a holy spirit from the place that all holiness comes from, and they are called sons to G-d, for their body is made in holiness, so also they are given a soul from a lofty holy place.”

One Should Concentrate his Thoughts on the Spiritual Aspect of the Zivug

You should know that the reality of the holiness of the zivug depends on the awareness of man, how he links with Hashem and knows to unite the middot (spiritual channels) in the spiritual reality. Just as he knows to abstract corporeality from the spiritual (realities) Above, so to he will know to remove his thoughts from thinking in this act about the vain earthly pleasures, for he who focuses on the physical pleasure in this act is like an animal. And therefore it was stated in the above passage: “Blessed are those righteous ones whose whole desire is to be constantly united with the Holy One," because the righteous whose intention is always to cleave to Hashem, even at that time, they are not separate from Him. That is why it says: “constantly united.” This is similar to what we wrote above (Ch. 15) regarding intention of eating, that even though all the limbs receive pleasure from the eating, the mind is cleaving Above, to think about the spiritual content of the eating. So too with the zivug.

How Can One Totally Separate Himself from the Evil Inclination During the Zivug?

What you must know is that one can separate oneself totally from the evil inclination by thinking of this limb as any other limb of the 248 limbs of man, some of which are exposed and some are covered. Before the sin of Adam HaRishon, it said (Bereshit 2:25): "And they were both naked, Adam and his wife, and they were not embarrassed," and our Sages comment on this (Vayikra Raba, Parshat Acharei Mot 20:2): "Rabbi Levi says in the name of Rabbi Shimon ben Menasia: the ankle of Adam dulled (the light of) the sun, all the more so his face." So too it says in the Tikkunei Zohar (10b): "At first it said Kutnot Or (clothes of light), since the ankle of Adam dulled (the light of) the sun." And certainly the other limbs also radiated light more (than the ankle) and the evil inclination did not rule on them, and therefore "they were not embarrassed." What caused their embarrassment? The ervah (nakedness) which is the evil inclination which they perverted (damaged) through their misuse. But before (the sin) this limb (the sexual organ) was like the arm and the leg, since the commandment of the union of husband and wife which employs this limb is like putting on tefillin on the left arm and on the forehead. Just as with these there is no evil inclination, so too with this limb which fulfills the commandment of procreation that Adam was commanded - before the sin it was not worthy that there should be any evil inclination. And what caused that there is an evil inclination (connected with this limb) and that it needs to be covered, and that it is called ervah? The sin brought about a blemish in that ra=evil was pulled into the last 2 letters of the name of G-d, רע ו"ה  which are the letters that make up the word ervah ערוה. This caused the lowering of this limb, and the evil inclination ruled in it.

The Main Work of the Righteous is to Fix the Damage of Adam HaRishon

The main work of the righteous in this world is to fix the damage of Adam HaRishon because Adam included all of the souls of mankind, and therefore (it is as if) all of mankind sinned (and were damaged) and all must be fixed. The righteous, who cleave to Hashem in their thoughts, fix the "upper thought" wherein Adam caused damaged, as is explained in Tikkunei Zohar (99b) that Adam sinned in the "thought" and Hava in deed. Thus by rectifying the thought which is upper Yud, the lower Yud in the brit is fixed.

When One's Thought in Worldly Affairs is Focused on Lust, One Uproots Himself from Holiness

The reason for this is that when man's thoughts in this world are pulled after sexual lusts, and his heart lusts after material matters, the Yud of the brit is damaged... as it says (Vayikra 19:4): "Do not turn to the idols," "and you shall be defiled in them" (Ibid., 11:41), as is explained in Parshat Kedoshim that one who stares at a woman and reflects on her during the day becomes impure at night. This defilement is via the brit which parallels the letter  Yud (of the Divine Name) which includes all the limbs of the body. And this was the sin of Adam and the resulting damage that caused the ruling of the evil inclination over the whole body, and uprooted mankind from the supernal holiness, which is devoid of all evil inclination. Mankind thus became dressed in the corporeal matter of the world and its forces, and in sexual immorality and other klipot (impure husks), where the klipah of sexual lust includes all the others. Therefore our Sages said (Bereshit Raba 26:5) that G-d is zealous over promiscuity more than other sins, since this uproots a man and his limbs and soul from all holiness and dresses him in the evil inclination, unlike other sins….

When One Cleaves to Hashem, that Person will Definitely not be Defiled

When one constantly cleaves to Hashem, and does not focus on transient worldly affairs, and lusts only to cleave to the Source of all life... he will definitely not be defiled, and his zivug will be holy, and will not be attracted to the evil side whatsoever. Rather it will be as with Adam HaRishon before the sin, that it will be done only as the fulfillment of a commandment, for in performing the commandment he is likened to his Creator, as Rashbi explained in the passage that we quoted from Parshat Kedoshim, that just as Hashem is holy, so He commanded that we be holy. Thus it says at the end of the citation: "Praiseworthy are Israel since no other is called Holy except Hashem, as it says, 'For I, your G-d, am holy'..." meaning that just as the zivug, i.e., Ani Hashem, I G-d [union of Ani = I, Malchut, with Hashem, Tiferet] is called Holy, abstract from any evil inclination, so too you should be, since holiness affects our lofty souls bestowed by Hashem, and if, G-d forbid, we focus on the physical pleasure of the act, we dress our neshamah (soul) with the evil inclination, opposite from the Divine Intention.

This is what King David warned us in Tehillim (32:9): "Be not like the horse or the mule which have no understanding...," which is explained there in the Zohar (Vayikra 49b; Vayikra 81b) that it refers to the zivug: “Rabbi Abba said, I see that the masses pay no attention to, and are ignorant of, the honor due to their Master.

“It is written of Israel, ‘I have set you apart from the nations to be mine,’ (Vayikra, 20:24) and it is written, ‘You shall sanctify yourselves and be holy, for I, the L-rd, am holy,’ (Ibid, 11:44).

“If they distance themselves from G-d (by following after their lusts,) where is their holiness, since their desires turn them away from Him? About this, the verse proclaims, “Be not as the horse, nor as the mule which have no understanding,” (Tehillim, 32:9). How are men distinguished from the horse and the mule? By sanctifying themselves, and by perfecting themselves, and by distinguishing themselves from all other beings.

“Therefore, a man’s marital relations should be at established times, in order that he may concentrate his desire on cleaving to the Holy One Blessed Be He. Behold, we have emphasized that at midnight, G-d enters the Garden of Eden to take pleasure in the tzaddikim, and then Knesset Yisrael (the Shechinah) praises Him. This is the favorable time to cleave to Him.

“At this time, the disciples who study the Torah (at midnight) join Knesset Yisrael in praising the Holy King by their study of Torah.

“All other men at this favorable time should sanctify themselves in G-d (during their marital relations) and concentrate their desires on cleaving to the Holy One Blessed Be He.

“For the Torah scholars, their marital union should be at the time when there is another (supernal) union, and this is from one Sabbath (midnight) to the next Sabbath (midnight,) in order to concentrate their desire on cleaving to the Holy One Blessed Be He and Knesset Yisrael. For this is a favorable time Above when all of the worlds, the upper and the lower, are blessed.

“If men distance themselves from Him and behave like beasts during their marital relations, where is their holiness in their duty to be holy? Where are those holy souls that could have been brought down from Above? Regarding this, King Shlomo cried out and proclaimed, ‘Also the soul without knowledge is not good,’ (Mishle, 19:2). What knowledge does this refer to? The knowledge of the Holy One Blessed Be He (during marital relations). When this occurs, then the soul is not good. This is the soul that is drawn down to their offspring through their marital relations, it is not good, for this soul is drawn down from the Sitra Achra (the realm of evil called the Other Side) and this is not a good soul, for their hearts are not concentrated on G-d.

“A man who incites himself with the evil inclination, and who does not focus his intention and the desire of his heart on G-d, the soul which he draws down comes from the side of the evil inclination, and this soul is not good. This is the meaning of, ‘Also the soul without knowledge is not good.’

“Whoever races forward transgresses. Someone who hurries (to have relations) and ignores the favorable time, without desiring to sanctify the act, he behaves sinfully. He acts wrongly in every aspect.

“And this is the reason that evil diseases fall upon men, and bear witness against them because of their brazenness, and reveal that G-d is repelled by them, and that He will not look on them with favor until they repent and mend their ways and return to their original purity” (Zohar, Vayikra 49b). Thus are (evil diseases) punishment for one who does not sanctify himself.

When One Studies Torah, He Will Not Come to Promiscuous Thoughts

The main holiness depends on one being involved in Torah study and cleaving to it properly, for then he will not come to promiscuous thoughts. That is what it said in the beginning of the above quote.  It is further explained there that the punishment to those who do not study Torah is that they pull an unholy neshamah to their children. This is because the Torah guides man and teaches him how to sanctify himself. That which is states (Vayikra 81b) at the end of the quote "Be holy! קדושים תהיו specifically" I think is coming to learn from the word "Be תהיו" in the context of "being, existence" to hint at the bringing of neshamot into being  that they should be in holiness, for if not so, it should have said, “Sanctify yourselves” והתקדשתם [without the verb of "being"] as it said earlier in the Parsha.

How is it Possible to Avoid Physical Thoughts During the Zivug?

If you should ask: If one sanctifies one's thoughts and avoids thinking about the physical [pleasure], he will not have an erection, and how can there be a zivug when one is in a state of holiness, for the two are mutually exclusive? We can answer that from the way of holiness which we learned from Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai in many places, one of which is “Riyah Mehemna” (Zav 34a): "The unification of the letters of the name of G-d [Y-H-V-H] is Yud in the male, Hay in the female, Vav in the groom, Hay in the bride...."

What relates to our topic is explained in “Pirkei d'Rabbi Eliezer” (Ch. 12) that G-d's name (represented by the letters Yud and Hay) exists between a husband and wife [איש is the husband and אשה is the wife. When they properly unite, י and ה join, which brings the  Shechinah between them, but if not, G-d forbid, the Shechinah departs from between them, and there remains only fire, because after י  and ה  are removed from them both, the letters א and ש remain in each which spell fire in Hebrew, אש], and the fires burn until total destruction...

If a Man Wakes Up with an Erection and has Relations, the "Other Side" Connects to the Offspring

My master [the Ramak] explained "they are heated up with the holy fire" means to guard against being aroused by “Naama” - from the fire of the stranger “Naama.” [Naama is the name of a female demon that comes in a dream in the form of a beautiful woman and arouses a man, and if he wakes up with this lust for Naama and has relations with his wife, Naama has a part in the offspring.]

As it says in the Zohar (Acharei, 77a): “Sometimes Naama goes out to the world to arouse men, and he who is aroused in a dream by her [has an erection] and afterwards awakes and has relations with his wife, and his thoughts are still from the lust he had in the dream, then the offspring of this relation will be from the influence of Naama, since because of arousal from her, he was conceived. And when Lilith (the angel of sexual lust) goes out to the world and sees this offspring she knows the part of Naama in him and connects to him."

 And it says there [in the Zohar] that "this person is damaged every month. Lucky are the righteous who sanctify themselves with the holiness of the King, Blessed Be He.”

Evil Inclination that Arouses the Zivug is Founded in Gevura which is Holy Fire

One must intend that the evil inclination that arouses to the zivug is from Gevura which is Holy Fire, as explained in the Zohar (Bereshit 49a) on the verse (Bereshit 2:7) "G-d created man":

“'G-d created man' [וייצר with 2 Yuds] because man is made up of [2 inclinations] a good inclination and an evil inclination. For what purpose were these inclinations created? The good inclination for the person himself and his Divine service, and the evil inclination to arouse him to have relations with his wife (to reproduce mankind) for from the left side one is aroused to have relations with his wife.”

[The inclination is not evil. It depends on how it is used and to what it is directed. Because it is connected to the pull to material matters it has a greater tendency to be misused and thus labeled the evil inclination. But this force was created by Hashem and has an important role when used properly - see Bereshit Raba 9:7 where on the verse, "and it was very good" the Sages say: this is the evil inclination.]