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Questions & Answers
In this section, we relate to readers' questions about issues that may be of interest to you as well. Due to the large quantity of submissions, the site authors cannot relate to every question. Submit a question here .


What Makes Me Watch Pornography? PDF Print E-mail
Written by Tzvi Fishman   
Sunday, 09 November 2014
Question:

Image
Just a little bit more, then I quit forever!
Time and again, I have tried to stop watching pornography on the Internet, but a day later, and sometimes after just a few hours, I'm back at the keyboard, unable to withstand the urge, as if compelled by some kind of magnet whose strength is far greater than mine. Can you tell me what's at the root of this, and what I can do to stop?

Last Updated ( Sunday, 09 November 2014 )
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They Scoffed at Noach Too! PDF Print E-mail
Written by Tzvi Fishman   
Sunday, 26 October 2014

Question: Don’t you think that over-emphasizing sex is making a mountain out of a mole hill?

Answer: They scoffed at Noach too! They ridiculed him. They laughed. No one paid any attention to his warnings. For 120 years, he worked on building the ark, so that people would pass by and ask what he was doing, giving them a chance to repent.

Last Updated ( Sunday, 26 October 2014 )
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About to Fall Off the Cliff PDF Print E-mail
Written by Tzvi Fishman   
Sunday, 12 October 2014

Question:


I had a great summer in Israel, learning about Judaism at a yeshiva for beginners, but ever since coming back to the US for my last year of college, I’ve been smashed by my yetzer hara (sexual drive) and I’m on the verge of giving in with a non-Jewish girl who’s been making a pass at me for some time, letting me know that she’s available to fulfill all of my fantasies. On the one hand, it’s hard to keep close to the Torah here, and on the other hand, I can’t stand feeling guilty for all of my passions and want to have some fun. And I’ve heard  that the Torah prohibits marrying gentiles, but not necessarily having relations with them (I’d use a condom to avoid pregnancy.) I know that I’m playing with fire but what can I do? I’ve spoken to the campus rabbi about getting married but he says I’m too young.

Last Updated ( Saturday, 11 October 2014 )
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Canít Stop Watching Porn PDF Print E-mail
Written by Tzvi Fishman   
Friday, 23 May 2014
Question:

I realize that watching erotic Internet sites leads nowhere and makes me feel spiritually and morally corrupt, but I can’t stop. I have tried everything in order to give up the addiction – mikvahs, cold showers, jogging, learning more Torah, making vows that I would stop, trying the 12 Torah Steps, confessing my problem to a rabbi, but after a few days of going clean, I’m back at the keyboard with a frenzy. I even installed a reliable filter, but I keep punching in the by-pass code. What more can a guy do?

 

Last Updated ( Friday, 23 May 2014 )
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Pretty Woman PDF Print E-mail
Written by Michael   
Sunday, 17 November 2013

Question:

I am not suggesting that your Torah sources are in error, but it seems to me that you have exaggerated with all of your fire and brimstone warnings. I can see a movie, or see sexy pics on the Intrnet, go to a crowded beach, or spend a day with a pretty woman and never experience a wet dream or the desire to masturbate. I am sure this is true for most men, not only me.

Last Updated ( Sunday, 17 November 2013 )
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Chofetz Chaim on Tikun HaBrit PDF Print E-mail
Written by Chofetz Chaim   
Sunday, 17 November 2013
Question:
You seem to emphasize a Kabbalistic approach to “Tikun HaBrit.” What’s a more mainstream approach to the issue?
Answer:
In answer to your question, we will quote from the writings of the Chofetz Chaim who compiled the halachic compendium, the “Mishna Berurah.” He indicates that the principle rectification for Tikun HaBrit is through the study of Torah:
Last Updated ( Sunday, 17 November 2013 )
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How Important is the Wife's Pleasure PDF Print E-mail
Written by Tzvi Fishman   
Sunday, 17 November 2013

Question:

I have heard that a husband should try to give his wife pleasure.  Does that mean to make her have an orgasm orto just be sensitive to her needs without necessarily bringing her to orgasm? Withus, it can take ages before my wife feels relaxed enough to enjoy things. Canthe husband massage her organ with his fingers in order to give her pleasure?Also, sometimes I notice a that a drop of clear fluid comes out of my membereven before relations begin, as if it is some kind of natural lubricant. Isthis considered like the spilling of semen in vain?

Last Updated ( Sunday, 17 November 2013 )
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I Failed Again! PDF Print E-mail
Written by Tzvi Fishman   
Sunday, 17 November 2013
Question:
I have been struggling with masturbation for some time. 3 months ago I did heartfelt Tshuva and did not sin since. However, slowly over the past 3 months I would occasionally gaze at improper websites (again), but still stayed in “check”...Unfortunately, last night I sinned...
Last Updated ( Sunday, 17 November 2013 )
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Google Girl Gazing PDF Print E-mail
Written by Tzvi Fishman   
Tuesday, 05 November 2013

Question:

My work entails many searches through Google pictures. Photos of immodest women invariably pop up, and I find it impossible to avoid gazing at these. Any advice?

Last Updated ( Tuesday, 05 November 2013 )
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I'm Going Whacky! PDF Print E-mail
Written by Tzvi Fishman   
Tuesday, 11 June 2013

I’m Going Whacky!
QUESTION:
I am married and have children and consider myself very religious.  I learn every day, daven every day, teach Torah classes, and lead a pretty frum life.  However I can't stop thinking about sex. 

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Can I Ever Be Forgiven? PDF Print E-mail
Written by Michael   
Friday, 26 April 2013

Question:

Just this one more time...I am 22-year-old baal t'shuva (returnee to religious lifestyle). I was not raised very religious, and early on I was exposed to pornography and sexually impure images. Over time I became obsessed with pornography, and later, during my teens, when the internet started to become popular, I quickly became addicted to internet porn.

Last Updated ( Friday, 26 April 2013 )
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What's Wrong With A Little Pornography? PDF Print E-mail
Written by Michael   
Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Question:

I fail to understand the great sin in looking at sexy pictures on the Internet. It doesn't make me do anything evil. I don't masturbate when I watch. I just enjoy seeing pictures of beautiful women.

Last Updated ( Tuesday, 22 January 2013 )
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With Us, Everything Goes PDF Print E-mail
Written by Tzvi Fishman   
Sunday, 23 December 2012

QUESTION:
I am married but I also have some homosexual desires. I know someone who does too. Are we allowed to be unclothed before each other and hug and feel as long as we don’t spill any semen in vain (motzie zera)?

Also, my wife and I like to do different positions – standing, sitting, doggy style etc. Is that forbidden? Can my wife and I watch porn to enhance our sexual pleasure? Can a man watch porn alone if he will have relations later on that night? Thank you.

Last Updated ( Sunday, 23 December 2012 )
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Sexual Frenzy PDF Print E-mail
Written by Michael   
Sunday, 23 December 2012
Question:

I can't stop thinking about them. Free my mind!
Hard to concentrate, huh?
I am a 30-year-old baal teshuva [returnee to ritual observance], religious now for about three years, living in Jerusalem.  I have been dating a lot, but have not yet found the one. I lived in California for most of my life, and mostly all I saw were women wearing not very much clothing.  For the last 6 months, the only thing that has been on my mind is women and sex. My learning has tanked heavily - I can barely sit still. I work 10-12 hours a day and try to learn for at least 4.  What is the best way for me to get my mind out of this sexual frenzy going on in my head?

Last Updated ( Sunday, 23 December 2012 )
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My Eyes Made Me Do It PDF Print E-mail
Written by Michael   
Sunday, 23 December 2012
Question:

Image
Just this one last time...
Can you explain the commandment not to stray after your hearts and after your eyes? What kind of things are forbidden?

Last Updated ( Sunday, 23 December 2012 )
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Where Are the Rabbis? PDF Print E-mail
Written by Michael   
Thursday, 08 November 2012

Question:

As a woman living in a modern Orthodox community, I have a question. If immodesty and suggestive clothing is such a terrible thing, why don't we hear rabbis constantly warning about its dangers? I have never heard the rabbi at our shul address the issue at all.

Last Updated ( Thursday, 08 November 2012 )
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It Was an Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny, Yellow Polka Dot Bikini PDF Print E-mail
Written by Tzvi Fishman   
Friday, 19 October 2012

Question:

It happened again! For the last four months I’ve been clean – no porn on the Internet, no m@sturb@ting, studying Torah as much as I can, exercise, going out with friends, anything to prevent me from being alone with the computer. Then I lost everything.

Last Updated ( Friday, 19 October 2012 )
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Facebook Dating PDF Print E-mail
Written by Tzvi Fishman   
Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Question:
I have a big problem. At the moment I am looking to date. One girl was suggested and I looked her up on Facebook to see her profile and her pictures. The more I looked the more I began to see her in a much more sexual way. I gazed and gazed and then when I went to the bathroom, my underwear had semen in it. How do I do proper Teshuva? I have stopped porn and masturbating but this is still a big problem. Is this considered spilling seed like masturbating? If so, what do I do to rectify this and truly do shidduchim the proper way?

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