Question:

We belong to a modern Orthodox shul. Some of the married women in the community wear hats, a few wear the kerchiefs like the kind you see in Israel among the settlers, others wear wigs, and there are those who don’t wear any head covering at all. To my chagrin, my wife prefers attractive wigs that look even nicer than real hair. Since she is a good-looking woman, her flowing locks attract a lot of glances from men, and I am very uncomfortable with this. Am I right to demand that she wear more modest head covering, or, for the sake of peace in the home, should I shut up and try to overcome my feelings?

Answer:

The Kabbalist, Rabbi Eliahu Leon Levi, says that all wigs should be gathered together into an enormous heap and set afire on Lag B’Omer. The fire of the blaze would hopefully atone for the fire which they set off in men’s hearts.

Since the purpose of a head covering for a married woman is to guard her modesty and beauty exclusively for her husband, wigs made of real or artificial hair, especially the knockout wigs that draw men’s eyes away from concentrating on prayer books to stare over at the women’s section, these defeat the whole principle. By exciting a man’s attention, they cause men to transgress the commandment, “You shall not stray after your heart and after your eyes which lead you astray.”  They can cause men to have sexual thoughts and transgress the commandment “not to covet your neighbor’s wife.”

When a woman wears a wig of this sort, knowing that it enhances her attractiveness in the eyes of men, other than her husband, she violates the commandment “not to put a stumbling block before a blind man.”

Nonetheless, there are apparently rabbis who permit wigs. How are we to understand this? One of Israel’s most foremost Halachic authorities, the Torah giant, Rabbi Yosef Eliashiv, makes a distinction between unattractive, old-fashion wigs that looked like mops, rather than natural hair, and the attractive modern styles of today. He states:

“Certainly, one who walks around with a wig that looks like the hair is uncovered, as is the fashion in places today, this is committing a definite transgression, and this is truly like 'Ervah' (nakedness, or exposing a part of the body that is considered immodest). If we speak about a wig of 100 years ago, this is certainly permissible, even if it is a little more attractive, but not the wigs of today. All those who walk around today in line with the fashion, with wigs that look like natural hair, certainly this is forbidden, and no one would grant permission for this.”

In regard to your question as how you should behave with you wife, the matter of peace in the home is a delicate issue, requiring personal discussion, and any general Internet answer would be inappropriate. Perhaps show Rabbi Eliashiv’s response to your wife, and let her see how much the matter disturbs you from a religious point of view. With G-d’s help, and certainly without any anger whatsoever on your part, she will come around to your way of thinking.