Jewish Sexuality dot Com

Question:

I am a student in college, and if I were to practice the recommendations on your site, like avoiding pre-marital sex, I would be the odd man out on campus. I am far from being religious and transferring to a yeshiva. What's a guy to do?

Answer:

First, it is wise to remember who you are, and what your calling is as a Jew, a member of G-d's holy nation, entrusted with the task of uplifting the world.

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsh was confronted with a similar dilemma in his generation. Here's his passionate and deeply caring advice, from his book, "Horev," for both young men and women:

G-D DIVIDED MAN into two sexes, man and woman. He blessed the man with the holy design of becoming a father, and the woman with the holy design of becoming a mother. And He said to both of them - unite and become man and wife, so that you will become a father and mother. Then I will give a blessing that a family will blossom up around you, the foundation of all human education and morality, and thus the foundation of all human fortune.

G-d also implanted the desire for this union in the sexes, and gave the man fatherly powers and the woman motherly powers - for this purpose only - to become father and mother as husband and wife, to establish a family and home, and thus educate their children that may receive the blessing of Abraham and fulfill the mission of Israel.

Therefore, the powers of procreation are holy to this exalted human purpose. Men and women must guard these powers for this holy purpose. Every union of the sexes which is not carried out for this purpose is a misuse of these G-d given powers, degrading man to the level of an animal, even lower than an animal. None of Israel's daughters may be dedicated to lewdness, and none of Israel's sons. This purpose of the union of man and wife to establish a family is expressed in marriage, in kiddushin and chuppah. Every union without this is whoredom and forbidden.

The results of promiscuity are unspeakable. The powers of the body become exhausted and debased. Everything better and noble in man dies out. Man becomes a beast and knows only animal pleasure. Children, who should be the holy offspring for the future, from whom the future of the human race is built, enter the world and have no father or mother to educate them to become true human beings! They have no home in which their noblest and Divine part, their spirit and heart, may be cultivated and develop, through the living paternal example, into a useful and godly life. Woe to the generation when the sexes do not keep themselves holy! Countries and states seek in vain for the cause of their decline - and do not see that their future is ruined as soon as their homes and children are tainted through the immorality of sexual sin.

The man who has tasted from the animal cup of promiscuity now knows only pleasure as his highest aim. He sinks down to the level of an animal, and becomes even more disgusting, as his deranged spirit, which should be the master and director of the animal within him, now becomes slave to his animal passions.

And if pleasure is the highest aim of man, so that he allows himself to be led only be his lust, even in the use of his most valuable possession, his body, and does not listen to G-d's voice, but to the voice of his lust - will he then pay any attention to G-d? Will he not wish to forget, and no longer be able to grasp the very conception of G-d? He sinks down to avodah zarah, foreign worship, in whatever form it takes.

Immorality is so abominable to G-d that it brings impurity upon man and upon a whole country. The effect of sexual impurity is that the capacity to live a pure holy life disappears, and the Divine Presence is withdrawn. In the Land of Israel, when lewdness increases, the land "vomits" out its inhabitants (Vayikra, 28:25).

Therefore, guard yourself against immorality. Avoid everything which borders on it, which leads to it. This is what G-d asks of the Jewish People, and happy you are if you answer His call. The animal within you awakens easily, and when it does, you will have a difficult battle to overcome it - or you will succumb, and then you have forfeited your great treasure.

Flee from immorality! That which guards you is your natural, G-d given feeling of shame, protecting your innocence, purity and holiness. Do not scare away this faithful guardian; do not trample it down so that it can no longer raise its warning cry when you approach the unholy realm of lewdness. Be afraid of the animal in you, fear for your future, woe if you are able to see and hear lewd things without shame bringing a blush to your face. Flee from those who speak without shame - they are murderers of purity and holiness.

Keep far from immorality! The power of the imagination, the messenger of lewdness, is readily kindled, easily polluted. If you do not control it, you will become its slave. Therefore avoid everything which may excite or contaminate your imagination. Listen to the teachings of your holy forefathers, and if you cherish life, then follow it.

Lewd pictures, talk, writings, and thoughts are the graves of moral purity. Avoid them! Do not walk behind a woman or look at her lewdly. Do not let your muse on her figure. Do not be alone with the opposite sex in a place which is inaccessible to others (Yichud). Even if done in merriment, holding hands and kissing are sinful. They tempt and provoke transgression. Save yourself the battle.

This is all true for a woman too. The most beautiful ornament of a woman is modesty and moral purity. This should be apparent in her attire and in her demeanor. Clothing should not be made to attract, but to modestly cover. A woman's glance should be modest. A married woman should not be seen with her hair uncovered.

Not everything which fashion decrees is good. O youth and maiden! If your greatest treasure is precious to you, then listen to the call of the Torah - avoid everything which borders on immorality, even if the world of fashion has lauded it a thousand times. Nothing which robs you of your holy can be made pure and holy by fashion. Let the elite of the fashion world reject you, let them mock you - that is better than having G-d reject you from His Presence and be angered with you because of them.

Daughters of my people! Don't rush headlong after the direction of the generation's false prophets. Much is in your power. Be pure and chaste in body and heart, spirit and word, and then you only have to show contempt for an man who does not live up to the standard of moral purity of your people, and for a second time the House of Jacob will endure, redeemed by its women's purity.

Sons of Israel, lewd thinking is forbidden not only because it leads to sin - it also makes the spirit and mind incapable of anything noble, robs the body of its finest powers, and squanders powers of life which are sanctified under the Covenant of Abraham, sanctified to the building up of the Israelite nation. O, youth, flee every lewd thought and opportunity - never misuse the organ which is stamped with the seal of Abraham, the holy Brit which distinguishes you from the nations.

Be strong, O youth who reads this. Do you wish to destroy your whole future for the sake of satisfying a moment's lust? Do you wish to kill the Divine within you for a moment's pleasure? Have you never felt G-d's nearness, when that which is noble, great, pure and Divine, animated your inward self? Have you never heard His voice wandering about in the Eden of your inner world? His holy nearness flees when lewdness approaches, and then if you seek Him, you seek in vain. Why desecrate the Divine temple of your inner self for a fleeting animal pleasure? Be strong! Remain holy! Let your father, Abraham, appear to you as you approach the gateway to hell and warn you, "Get back!"

Be strong, O youth. Remember that all your powers of body and soul are sanctified unto G-d, that you may only spend them in His service, according to His will. You should be a man and an Israelite, and everything beastlike should be loathsome to you. Be too proud as a Jew to sin. Let your spirit be busy with the word of your G-d, and your forefathers; let the Torah of life be your bride, your activity, you loved one. The way of the Torah should fill your life and leave no time for vulgarity and debasement.

If it be true that it is precisely in the sphere of sexual immorality that the malady of our young generation is to be found; if this be the sin which extinguishes the spirit of our youth and weakens the heart that should be aglow with everything that is good, noble and Divine; if this is indeed the sin which undermines body and spirit, preventing the spirit of Israel's holiness from finding a resting place, because of the carnal desires which fill hearts and minds, usurping its place; if this is the thing which has cost us our most precious treasure, polluted by the inflow of a foreign profane culture which has infiltrated its way into Israel's homes so that youths are no longer models of the sublime, the chaste, and the pure, which they used to be in former generations, though, G-d be praised, they are still better than others - if it be true that moral degradation has seeped into the holy Jewish camp, if all this be so, who would not wish to be possessed of the flaming eloquence of the Prophets, burning with their moral power and Divine mission, in order to stand in the breach and to prevent that which still flowers from withering - and to revive that which has withered?

Sons and daughters of Israel! "Be holy, for I am holy, the L-rd your G-d."     

And as for you, Jewish parents, do not forget that it was when you yourselves were young that the decline began. Sin has made giant steps since you were young - keep guard over your children! Some already are led to transgression in the tenth, ninth, and eighth year. Examine their schools, their classmates, their friends in the neighborhood. Know that vice enters into the circle of youth in every way. Become friends to your children. Give them early warning! Stand by their side in the battle. Do not abandon them in the years that the battle is fiercest. Above all, clarify to them their mission as sons and daughters of Israel in its holy purity, in its noble greatness, so that their heart may swell from the desire to be worthy of such a name, so that the striving to realize their calling may fill them entirely. Lead them towards G-d, so that they learn at an early age to fear Him, love Him, and trust in Him, looking to Him for help in every hour of trouble, trial, and temptation. And open to them the Torah, the Neviim and the Ketuvim, that they become the light and staff of their life. Conduct yourselves before them as an example of pure, chaste living in the true spirit and exalted morality of Israel - and then, Israel's youth will once again bloom forth like the olive tree's blossoms, and become once more the "Garden of G-d and His Name's planting."