Jewish Sexuality dot Com

Question:

In other words: the birds and the bees, if you please

Answer:

[Seriously: This article is intended exclusively for married men. If you are not there yet, surf on to other pages and return a few days before your wedding.]

It cannot be that the Torah expects the impossible of people.  Thus if a man is enjoined to satisfy his wife, and conduct marital relations with the wife lying on her back facing up at her husband, it follows that it certainly must be possible to satisfy one's wife in this way, without resorting to immodest practices.

Documented Fact: As the husband rises spiritualy, his wife's pleasure rises accordingly.

For example, on the night of her ritual immersion, he might take her out to dinner at a nice restaurant and talk to her about things that are important to her. He should do this because he must care for her as a person, and not just as an object to satisfy his personal lust. She will sense his sincerity.

Or on Fridays before Shabbat, he could buy her a little present to express his appreciation for everything she does for the family. It is a good thing to talk with one's wife before having relations to make her feel wanted and loved. A wife should be made to feel that she is the most important person

A small gift can make a big difference

Also during foreplay, the husband should whisper loving things in her ear. It is important for him to understand that his wife's excitement and build up comes from the emotional side of their relationship and not from the physical side alone. His caresses should be gentle, patient, and loving, with the understanding that she may take longer to reach a climax than he.  It is perfectly proper for a husband to touch his wife in the place of her sexual organ and clitoris, in order to arouse her pleasure.

If the woman truly feels loved, then the perfect expression of the husband-wife relationship is when the man is above facing his wife. In this manner they are in unison with all of the stars in the heavens and spiritual worlds, and a Divine blessing and joy with surround their lovemaking.

In addition, after the marital act is completed, a man should not rush to separate immediately from his wife, or immediately fall off to sleep. Rather, he should stay with her, not only physically, but emotionally as well. His interest in her should not only be for sex, and she must feel this.

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When a person truly loves his wife and not just lusts for her, when he rises to greater heights of spirituality by guarding his brit, the wife's yearning to cling to her husband increases tenfold and finds expression in the act of marital intimacy. It goes together: the holier and more spiritual he becomes, the more pleasure the couple shares during intimate moments.