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Is Heavy Petting Wrong? PDF Print E-mail
Written by Tzvi Fishman   
Wednesday, 14 January 2009

ImageMe and my boyfriend are both sixteen. We hold hands, sit on park benches and kiss, and fool around with our clothes on in his house when no one else is home, but we never do the real thing. If I protest, he insists we aren’t doing anything wrong, but I have a guilty conscience anyway. Who’s right?


You are. Firstly, when a boy does the things you describe with a girlfriend, without being married to her, he doesn’t really respect her, and relates to her merely as an object of his pleasure.

In addition, chances are that the sexual excitement he experiences brings him to orgasm. This is called spilling semen in vain, which is considered a serious wrongdoing, in that it wastes the life force and souls contained in the fluid that is emitted.

Furthermore, all women before their wedding are considered “niddah,” meaning that, not having been to a mikvah, they are in a menstrual state of spiritual impurity. Jewish Law forbids a man, not only to engage in intercourse with a woman in a state of “niddah,” but also to have physical contact with her, like holding hands, hugging and kissing – even if their clothes are on. In doing so, her menstrual impurity is transferred to him, causing him serious spiritual damage that can adversely affect him, and his future offspring, in many unpleasant ways.

You seek love. He seeks lust. Tell him to STOP
Certainly nothing positive will come out of this behavior, and you are right in feeling that you are doing something wrong. For your own self-respect, and to be true to your calling as a holy daughter of Israel, until you get married, it is best to keep a proper distance from boys. 

The guiding principle in Judaism is that your beauty and body are reserved for your beloved husband to whom you reveal yourself in the golden moments of marital intimacy. But for every other man in the world, your skin (from elbows and knees up) must remain covered, out of sight, and certainly off limits for any type of physical contact. By adhering to these guidelines, you broadcast to your circle of friends that you are not a cheap thrill (which is what the guys are after before marriage), but rather the queen's prize jewel which is kept under lock and key except for those very special occasions with your husband.

Last Updated ( Wednesday, 14 January 2009 )
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