We have mentioned that a strategy of worldly separation may be a helpful early phase of t'shuva, but it is not the end of the journey. In fact it ends in spiritual limbo, leaving a person isolated on a mountaintop, neither in heaven, nor down on earth. Rabbi Kook writes that there is a far superior strategy. This is the study of the Choshen Mishpat, the civil laws which govern man's dealings with his fellow man, laws involving money, property, contracts and the like. A Jew should become versed in all of its details in order to know precisely the principles of Divine justice on earth. For instance, Rabbi Kook writes:
"It is especially important to do t'shuva regarding transgressions against other people, especially regarding theft, which hinders the elevation of the will. A person must be stringent in this and trust in G-d's assistance to attain the state of purity where he will reject anything associated with unjust gain and oppression" (Orot HaT'shuva, 8:14).
Learning the laws of the Choshen Mishpat will guard a person from uncertainty and error, and offer clear guidelines in the day-to-day dealings of life. In addition to this study, and to the regular study of the Torah's many branches, Rabbi Kook teaches that special attention must be given to heightening moral sensitivities, and to the contemplation of exalted spiritual concepts, so that the soul will long for Divine justice in every aspect of life. This will bring the light of t'shuva to all facets of social interaction (Orot HaT'shuva, 13:5). In this manner, a person not only betters himself, he also improves the world.
Thus, it is not the Torah which is a barrier to t'shuva, but rather the false ideas which people have about spirituality. Spirituality is not something intended for monasteries and isolated mountain peaks, but for everyday life in society, in the supermarket, in the bank, in the courtroom, and in the house. The t'shuva ideal is not to turn into a monk. One isn't to say, because I am influenced by people, I will avoid them; because I am influenced by food, I will not eat; because I am influenced by women, I will be celibate (Laws of T'shuva, 13:3). The baal t'shuva is not to reject life, but to uplift it. Our task is to hallow even the nitty-gritty details of day-to-day existence. It is easy to turn one's back on life, to walk out the door, to stick out your tongue at your past and say, "Goodbye world, I'm headed off for the mountains!" The higher t'shuva is down-to-earth t'shuva; deed by deed, person by person, food by food. T'shuva comes to sanctify life, not to abandon it to despair.
The Show Must Go On
Even if a person feels that transgressions from his past are blocking his will to repent, Rabbi Kook says the show must go on - t'shuva must go forward (Orot HaT'shuva, 13:5). T'shuva must never stop. T'shuva has no end. Life must be filled with t'shuva.
Occasionally, the thought of mending each and every sin is just too overwhelming for a person to deal with. Who has the energy? Who has the strength? Who can overcome all of the powerful temptations? Who can muster the humility it takes to apologize to everyone he has slighted? The magnitude of the endeavor before him can even lead a person to say, "Why bother? Nothing can help."
Let no weakness stand in the way. T'shuva must continue. It must overcome all obstacles. Even if there are matters which seem impossible to correct, let a man always find joy in every bit of t'shuva that comes to his grasp. The merit of fixing the things that he can will stand by him, helping him to overcome more difficult barriers. Finally, Rabbi Kook assures us, with G-d's help, he will be able to mend all that needs to be mended (Orot HaT'shuva, 13:9).
Barriers Of Sin
Millions of people all over the world are searching for a deeper understanding and connection to G-d. What makes finding Him so difficult? Rabbi Kook explains that the difficulties are due to people's sins and unrefined traits, which weaken a person's will for perfection and goodness.
"In order to remove every barrier between the general Divine good and the individual who yearns for it, it is necessary to separate oneself from every moral blemish, in the widest sense, including the cleansing of all of one's character traits and the purifying of intellectual endeavors, for it is through these that G-d's light appears in the world...." (Ibid, 13:2).
Bad character attributes, whether they be jealousy, anger, cynicism, pride, stinginess, lust, and the like, together with whatever sins a person might have, all block his connection to G-d. They darken the intellect with spiritual pollution and clog the channels of holiness which connect this world with the Divine. If a person feels that closeness to G-d is eluding him, self-introspection is needed to discover what negative traits and sins are preventing further progress.
In the initial phase of t'shuva, we focus our microscopes on our general behavior, without turning up the light. We have to deal with the glaring wrongdoings first, before we can begin to see which fine tunings are still in need of adjustment. Then, as we become more sensitive to the holy and spiritual, we have to do t'shuva on our original t'shuva. The more we purify ourselves, the clearer our moral and spiritual vision becomes, and we discover that there is still plenty more t'shuva to do.
Taming The Beast
Sometimes, in a person's longing to cleanse himself completely, he may decide that since his sins stem from his material yearnings, he will wage war on his physical life and become an ascetic who barely eats. This person's intentions are certainly praiseworthy. His passionate desire for inspiration and connection to G-d is noble, but in letting his longings push him to starve his body, he is in fact sinning against himself (Nazir 3A).
Precisely because t'shuva is the most exciting sensation in the world, a person must be careful to control the great powers it unleashes. The turned-on t'shuva "junkie" who wakes up in the morning looking to shoot holiness into his veins is faced with a problem. He wants too much, too fast. If in his frustration, he blames his body and its lusts, he can start to wage war on himself. He tries to uproot all of his feelings and passions, including healthy drives like eating and sleeping. But the body resists. It still wants to eat, to sleep, to have properl, marital relations. As long as a person continues to breathe, the monster called the body will not go away.
When this aggressive strategy fails, the person can fall into despair. His longing to fly straight up to heaven has been thwarted. Instead of feeling rejected, however, he should realize that the body and soul need to rise up the spiritual ladder together. Patience is needed. With all of his spiritual and physical baggage, he sets out on the trip. Little by little, he will prod the beast, poke here and there, steering it, training it, making it obey his commands.
A person comes to learn that as sensual and materialistic as one's body can be, it also has rights. Just as it is forbidden to hurt another person, it is forbidden to hurt oneself (Laws of Damages, 5:1). Just as one has to be kind to others, one has to be kind to oneself (Vayikra Rabbah, 34:3) A baal t'shuva who accepts upon himself extra stringencies has to take counsel with himself to know when the border has been crossed.
For instance, a person may feel that fasting can help him weaken his material lusts. Not wanting to exhaust himself completely, he may decide that instead of fasting a whole day, it is healthier to fast during the day, but to eat at night. In this manner, a person may learn to rule over his lusts without draining his body and willpower completely. If this regimen also proves too punishing, then the person must have compassion on himself and try to find another strategy to cleanse himself of his lusts (Orot HaT'shuva, 13:7).
Hashem To The Rescue
The main thing is not to despair. As long as a person's will remains firm, G-d will help him on his way. He must come to recognize that the ultimate solution to his problems does not rest with himself, for a person by himself cannot correct all of his failings. He has to know that in the end, the charity of G-d, His mercy and lofty salvation will rescue him from his darkness (kiddushin 30B) G-d will answer his yearnings and bring him to the higher deliverance for which he so longs.
The Art Of T'shuva
Rabbi Kook adds one final point which is important to stress. Many people reject the idea of t'shuva because they believe that they will have to give up their personalities, talents, and uniqueness in order to conform to a rigid religious standard. Rabbi Kook says that just the opposite is needed. The baal t'shuva must follow his own special path, not someone else's. Without fear, he must expand his unique intellectual and creative talents in the freedom of his soul, in line with his own individuality. T'shuva does not restrict life - it enhances it. The musician need not give up his music; the writer need not abandon his pen; the singer need not refrain from singing; the businessman need not give up his business. The opposite is true. The baal t'shuva must use his all of his talents, without hesitation or fear, in serving G-d, in declaring G-d's praises, in bringing the joy and knowledge of G-d to the world. Then his t'shuva will be complete, not only in mending his deeds and improving his ways, but by sanctifying his unique individuality and talents to G-d, he helps bring the whole world to completion (Orot HaT'shuva, 13:10).