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I now realize that I need to stay away from all the lust out there, I can’t just sneak a peek. I feel so depressed, like all the work I ‘ve done till now was a total waste. I feel as if I have lied to Hashem...after promising not to do it, how will Hashem forgive me yet again? I know the gates for Tshuva are always open, but this time, before the act, I knew I was going to sin. Isn’t this different?? Before, I never gave it a thought. Now, with full of knowledge of the severity of what I was about to do, I still did it.. I can’t believe I have been clean for 3 months and threw it all away...I feel so depressed. Does Hashem forgive even when the one who committed the Sin promised not to do it and learnt about the severity of it....I understand forgiving one who does something they don’t realize is wrong, but when one has full knowledge, isn’t this different? Please help.

Answer:
This scenario happens quite often, and while every slip up is a serious matter, it isn't the end of the world. In effect, when a person's original repentance isn't as deep as it should be, Hashem brings it about that he fail once again, so that he reach a deeper level of tshuva than before. That seems to be the case with you and your heartfelt sorrow. Certainly Hashem forgives again and again when the penitent is sincere. Life is a long process of falling down and getting up, again and again. Tshuva is not a one-time thing, but a constant struggle and ladder to ever new heights of Divine attachment and cleansing. Yes, now that you have more knowledge, the fall is weightier, but your tshuva is deeper too.

Hazak v'amatz. Be strong and of good courage. As long as you are turned toward Hashem, He is turned toward you. Trust that your remorse has been accepted. Go to the mikvah, recite the Tikun HaClalli and its vidui, and return to serving G-d with simcha and an even stronger resolve!