Question:
In my opinion, it takes a miracle to stop fantasies and
sexually immoral behavior.
The Torah tells us Yosef HaTzaddik saw an image of his father and this stopped
him from having sex with Zilka the wife of Potifar. If Yosef HaTzaddik was a
Tzaddik, why did he need miracles to prevent him from committing a sin?
The Torah also tells us about the Yehuda and Tamar affair. Yehuda had sex with
his daughter-in-law because he thought she was a prostitute.
We can see from these two cases that no amount of Torah learning or
Tehillim can stop sexual urges. Since these individuals were among the
most
righteous people on earth, and yet they where unable to control their
sexual
urges,
there must be another key to prevent people from engaging in sinful
activity.
Tell us please what we can do to rid ourselves from sexual urges.
Answer:
First,
sexual urges are healthy when expressed with ones wife at the proper times and
in the proper manner. The sexual drive is the glue that helps marriage stick.
We want to channel these urges, not rid ourselves of them.
 Joseph Fleeing Potifar's Wife by Hendrik van Balen the Elder
As
to your question:
- The Zohar
teaches that Yosef was considered a Tzaddik, precisely because he overcame the
seductions of Potifar's wife. Our Sages have promised that when a person comes
to sanctify himself, he is given Divine assistance. This is what happened with
Yosef. If you are truly serious in the battle against the evil inclination,
then G-d will help you as well. Yehuda, on the other hand, did not try to
sanctify himself in his roadside meeting with Tamar. He himself chose to
transgress.
- You make it
sound like the miracle took all the challenge out of the test. I know a lot of
people who even were they to see an image of their father or of a great sage, they
would not have the internal fortitude to flee. Yosef was aided from Above by
the miracle as per point 1, but still he had to choose between immediate
gratification and what was right.
- The fact is
that great numbers of people have successfully overcome unhealthy lusts through
a dedicated commitment to Torah and a holy lifestyle. Give it an honest try. When
a person experiences the spiritual bliss that accompanies triumphing over his
sexual urge, his soul pines for more and he gains added strength in his battle.
Good
luck, and even though a Tzaddik will fall seven times כִּי שֶׁבַע, יִפּוֹל צַדִּיק
וָקָם (Proverbs 24:16), he rises, brushes the dust off
his pants, and continues his battle. It can take years upon years to overcome.
The key is never to stop yearning to rise.
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